I read his natal chart to a non believing straight cis man
because it's what I do as the token witchy friend
I read it and I laughed
at how accurate it gets.

I read mine again,
feeling dragged across the floor by it
being told exactly how I am and how I mess my life up
I like feeling like there's a reason behind my acting
not just the fact that I am lazy or dumb.

You can not believe all you want
but those stars are set up to make you
exactly the way you are.

 I think about my father

And his smile, and his impact

20 years and I still miss him

20 years and I remember

On his last birthday I bought him a pair of slippers and diabetic socks without seams

He and I ate fish crackers and seaweed squares

We watched a shitty movie

My uncle and his girlfriend have him a pajama set for the cold mornings

Winters were way colder then

He held my hand and kissed my head

20 years ago

I think about my father

Often, if not every day 

Not everyday, not anymore

I have some bad days where I don't invoke his memory 

I have some terrible days where I rage against injustice and violence, and I want to study law and I feel like his daughter 

I have some good days where I don't recall his absence 

I have some great days where I can appreciate his wisdom and his humor in the little things

20 years ago

Would he laugh at this?

What would he say about that?

What would my father do?

I can't be sure

It's been 20 years

And still, often,

I think about my father.