When it becomes too much
when I turn out to be too little
when the leaves of spring fall down and
no more purple petals stain the sidewalks
when the huge city feels like it can swallow
everything that brings you happiness
when everything you want nearby
is too damn far away
when I no longer hold your dreams between my arms
will you leave then?
or will you stay
like a trapped little bird
whose cage is decorated beautifully
but who is too sad to sing anymore
will you leave?
when my tears cannot be hidden behind closed doors
when my body becomes too much of a burden
for one man to handle
will you?
will you stay because you promised?
because your word means more that your soul to you
you'd rather be miserable than untrustworthy
you'd rather stay, broken,
than leave and break me
will you leave or 
do I have to keep forcing you
to open your eyes and see
that I'm not worth the pain.

 

Here I am once more
playing a game of Russian Roulette
in which I know that
the cold bullet of another love
will surely end me.

 I dig that when I sit down

with a group of close women

and I mention a man

A man I like and respect

I get comments from them

“Yeah, he's always been nice to us"

"Nothing to worry about"

"My very close friend"

You passed

You're a safe one

You're a cool friend to have.

how hard it is sometimes

to understand

that you are loved 

just for being

Loretta

without anything to prove

without having to do anything for others

you're just loved

and it's a good thing

 

Your hands full of my hips.
My fists full of your hair.
I want you and ache for you,
it feels like it's been forever
nothing changes
we're fit like puzzle pieces
from completely different boxes.
It shouldn't be like this.
We shouldn't match so well.
And yet, the shadow of your back
in the wall of this room,
your face hidden in the crook of my neck
invites me to pull you closer

until
we
break.

 My first august was when I was 16 and crazy in love, lost for a little bit of reassurance. You were sweet, kind, and just smart enough to twist me into you. I was sweet, kind, and just gullible enough to think you were being honest.

Come show me, precious love,
your feelings 'cause I ache to know
I'm too involved and too willing
and my heart is yours to fill.

Here I stand, all forgiveness,
all absence of self,
I am here and I'm listening
I'm sorry for not doing so before.

I don't understand anger
and agression as anything but danger
I was raised between blades and fists,
burning pictures and dilated eyes.

I shiver at the thought of violence,
I fear being held against walls
I remember the cold brush of a knife
against my neck and my arms

And I know you never held me
in a violent embrace of rage
not with harm in your heart
or drugs in your system

I can't help but remember
what it's like to sit still
in a house on fire
and pretend I'm not made of cloth.