The wind is chilly and the moon is bright and full in the sky, begging for the attention it deserves.

The place is crowded with people and full of good music and the lights from the stage reflect on the river and it's such a nice place to be in.

And I'm in bliss.

I've got the world on a string. I'm proud, I'm satisfied, I'm welcoming experiences and I'm letting go of the anchors that have held me back for so long.

My skeletons turned to ashes when they got out of my closet and into the world.

There's no rush, there's no pressure. There's pretty lights and winter boots and sweaters that smell like perfume samples you steal at cologne stands in departamental stores. 

Then there's me: surrounded by nothing but liberty.

I feel new and complete. There's choices made with smiles and accidents that turn out being amazing surprises. There's comfort, there's joy. There's the promise of a great Christmas season and the warmth in my soul of my own approval.

And we're growing up. Out of the fooling around and into the happy, trustful exciting thing we've got, him and I. We feel real and we feel right. 

Cheers for the chances and the changes, the responsabilities and the greatness of life. 

—L.

I know that you've been through sad times
 and I've been through bad times
I think we both deserve a lot of love
and way more happiness than what we've gotten.

This is why the team works:

because you can't keep still when I worry

because I can't keep quiet when you ache

and we both are so willing to fix fix fix.

She said we're on a long road here

and a while ago I started believing it badly

then you brought it up like it was nothing

and I'm looking forward to it.

All is good if we're good.

-LorettaRm.

Is it today again?

I remember it all so vividly that I can hardly believe it's been 8 years already.

It feel as if it had happened a couple weeks ago. I recall it was a wednesday. I remember how you told me to go to bed because I had been awake for two days straight and how much I regret it to this very day.

Wednesday, May 31st of 2006, was the day when my father died.

He was not only my father, but my teacher and my best friend. We went on the best roadtrips together, he had me listen to all of his favorite bands and read me history and law books for bedtime stories.

I wouldn't be the girl I am if it hadn't been for him.

... And I miss him every day of my life.

I keep wondering if my choices would be the ones he'd aprove. What would he say if he knew I had become a vegan? What would dad say about my relationship? Of my school of choice? What would my dad think about all this things that have happened while he has been absent? Would all things be the same? What would he think about me liking that band he used to hate? Would he laugh about me being a hoarder of his old stuff, treasuring his little doodles or yellow-notepad scribblings that make no sense? Or the fact I still have the flowers from his funeral. Or that I have three pictures with him that I can't look at because my eyes fill with tears and I feel stupid for not letting go after all this time.

My dad passed away 8 years ago and the gap he left behind in all of us who knew and love him is still visible and tangible.

I believe my friends have heard more of my dad's stories than my own.

My boyfriend feels like he knows him personally because I always mention him.

I see him in my favorite movies and songs and places. I eat things that make me smile just because I remember how much he liked them or the way he used to cook them himself.

I see a part of him everytime I look in the mirror and it stings a bit because deep inside I know that it's only me trying to find him still around.

Maybe a part of me wants to believe he isn't actually gone.

Maybe he's on a long journey all around the world.

This eternal roadtrip I didn't get to go with him.

I miss you like crazy, daddy.

I think I always will.

-Your little girl, L.

You're my sun, my stars and world. I live to hear your laugh and I go by watching you do your little things. You're the smell of coffee when I'm tired and the fresh air through a long closed window. You make life sweeter and I cannot get enough of your company.

I'm in love with your hands and your lips, with the music you make and the words you speak, with the films you watch and the comics you've read, with every single person you've cared for and has made you this unique and stunning being that turns my life around and helps building that will to live a longer, fuller life.

You make cheesy love songs make sense.

Your absence makes such loud silence.

Thank you for being in my life.

—L.

No, Loretta. No, no, no ¡NO! ¡NO! 

¡POR QUÉ! ¡NO, NO, NO!

¿QUÉ HICISTE?

IBAS MUY BIEN

TODO ESTABA BIEN

¿¡POR QUÉ?! 

NO, NO, NO.

There was a tiny itch and a tiny light
and they were passing through in the middle of the road,
when you're driving fast things blur in sight
but not in mind.

And there was this one tiny drop
on the back of my knee
and a tiny smile
on the corner of our lips.

But the thought didn't fade
and my pain didn't heal
but the light did pass by;
a fast blur to dismiss,
a quick itch to scratch.

-L.

Hi, my name is Loretta and today, a year ago, I took one of the best choices of my life: I went vegan.

Yes, I'm vegan. No, I don't eat fish. It's okay if you feel like you could never do that, it's my choice, not yours. Yes, my protein and vitamin intake are great, so are my omegas. 

I took that decision on my own and have struggled but now, after a year of ups and downs and learning and studying an practicing, I'm in love with this lifestyle.

Living in a small town, with very little food choices I did have lots of issues eating out and living with my old-fashioned grandparents and mother, but now that I'm living in a bigger city, with awesome little vegan and organic local shops and really supporting boyfriend and friends, lovely chances and restaurants that have tofu an veggies on their menus—I still don't know who to thank!—, I've come to grow a bit and choose more efficiently.

Maybe it's a vegan thing to learn to love peanut butter, potato fries or mangoes in the morning, soy milk in peppermint tea and tangerines by the dozen. To have a smile on your face every time you cook a meal. To nourish your soul with every bite. To love life in all forms, to feel healthy every night.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not perfect; I do drink often and pig out on caramelized popcorn and vegan muffins, but I'm human and stupid and enjoy my binges here and there.

Maybe this is a little too personal, but this is the only place I feel free to burst out with honesty and to share my feelings. 

I'm happy, guys. I feel proud about myself. I worked hard for this and I know that it's a great choice. I get mocked quite often about it, I'm used to that by now—not that I don't wish it didn't happen, don't get me wrong: I have feelings too—, but everyone gets mocked for not following the predesigned path. 

Today I felt like sharing this little sunshine with all of you. I'm really happy and I do hope you are as well. This lifestyle has changed me for good. I wouldn't push anyone into it, that's the fun part: you choose it, it chooses you, no one has rights over your body and you are the only one who decides what to put into it to feel great. I recommend it thoroughly and encourage anyone that chooses to feel healthier and help save the planet—which I do believe in, even if you think it's silly—.

Leonardo Da'Vinci once said “My body will not be a tomb for other creatures.” And that's just one of my favorite quotes ever.

So, without further blabbering, I'll leave some sources for you to check if you're interested or don't know where to begin or wish to mock me for not eating your favorite goodies, feel free to leave me a comment here or anywhere, I'd love to help, I mean it!

I hope whatever you choose to do—Or not to do—, makes you feel great and most of all, makes you happy, complete and in love with life, because it is beautiful.

So very beautiful.

—L.

Useful Sources:

DOCUMENTARIES:

-Forks Over Knives.

-If Slaughterhouses Has Glass Walls [This one requires a slightly stronger stomach].

-Food Matters.

BOOKS:

-Skinny Bitch.

-How It All Vegan.

-Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook

VEGAN BLOGS AND PEOPLE ONLINE:

-Cooking With The Vegan Zombie.

-Stoner Vegan.

-BonzaiAphrodite.

-Vegan Black Metal Chef. [My boyfriend is an omnivore and LOVES this guy].

-Fully Raw Christina. [If you go that extra step you are a hardcore one and I respect you so much].

-Garden Of Vegan.

-Funeral For My Fat.