Once more I am left stumbling.

Looking for a hard surface to grab and to hold myself up by. Everytime it happens I should have been expecting the blow, the let down. The way I simply cannot trust.

It happens every time, and by now it's on me for continuing trying to trust
that words like those hold meaning. That it's not just what people say.

I keep expecting that 'family' means something beyond relation.
Beyond a blood link that not even animals respond to.
Yes, we are related. We hold this family tree up with branches and gluestick and glitter to make it pretty.
We recognize the same people as ancestors and even remember them somewhat the same.

Family doesn't owe you shit.
-Things I should know by now-
That everytime I've actually needed help I've been let down and struggled by my own.

Maybe I did get stuck somewhere when growing up. Maybe I should be more successful by now. It's my fault that I need to rely on others for stability here and there.

I must remember.

Once I was left holding my body weight against a door with someone holding a knife and threatening to kill me on the other side. I simply wasn't believed. I was left waiting for someone who never came.

If there wasn't an answer then, how could I possibly expect anything for something smaller than that.

People don't owe me sympathy.
People don't owe me help.
People don't owe me support just because they're family, friends, people I work with.

I am 100% responsible of myself and nobody else, it's about time I start being the only one I expect showing up.