Is it today again?

I remember it all so vividly that I can hardly believe it's been 8 years already.

It feel as if it had happened a couple weeks ago. I recall it was a wednesday. I remember how you told me to go to bed because I had been awake for two days straight and how much I regret it to this very day.

Wednesday, May 31st of 2006, was the day when my father died.

He was not only my father, but my teacher and my best friend. We went on the best roadtrips together, he had me listen to all of his favorite bands and read me history and law books for bedtime stories.

I wouldn't be the girl I am if it hadn't been for him.

... And I miss him every day of my life.

I keep wondering if my choices would be the ones he'd aprove. What would he say if he knew I had become a vegan? What would dad say about my relationship? Of my school of choice? What would my dad think about all this things that have happened while he has been absent? Would all things be the same? What would he think about me liking that band he used to hate? Would he laugh about me being a hoarder of his old stuff, treasuring his little doodles or yellow-notepad scribblings that make no sense? Or the fact I still have the flowers from his funeral. Or that I have three pictures with him that I can't look at because my eyes fill with tears and I feel stupid for not letting go after all this time.

My dad passed away 8 years ago and the gap he left behind in all of us who knew and love him is still visible and tangible.

I believe my friends have heard more of my dad's stories than my own.

My boyfriend feels like he knows him personally because I always mention him.

I see him in my favorite movies and songs and places. I eat things that make me smile just because I remember how much he liked them or the way he used to cook them himself.

I see a part of him everytime I look in the mirror and it stings a bit because deep inside I know that it's only me trying to find him still around.

Maybe a part of me wants to believe he isn't actually gone.

Maybe he's on a long journey all around the world.

This eternal roadtrip I didn't get to go with him.

I miss you like crazy, daddy.

I think I always will.

-Your little girl, L.

You're my sun, my stars and world. I live to hear your laugh and I go by watching you do your little things. You're the smell of coffee when I'm tired and the fresh air through a long closed window. You make life sweeter and I cannot get enough of your company.

I'm in love with your hands and your lips, with the music you make and the words you speak, with the films you watch and the comics you've read, with every single person you've cared for and has made you this unique and stunning being that turns my life around and helps building that will to live a longer, fuller life.

You make cheesy love songs make sense.

Your absence makes such loud silence.

Thank you for being in my life.

—L.