Help

 

I am almighty.
Powerful.
Independent.
I don't need help.
I don't ask for it.

I can do it. Let me do it.
I can reach the highest shelves.
I can run marathons.
I can make, work, be, change,
reinvent, write,
take care, raise, plant,
flourish, water, walk,
cook, create, design,
repurpose, plan, achieve.

I can crash down.
I can see myself collapsing.
Like a house of cards, like a line of dominoes.
I can do it.
I don't need help.
I don't ask for it.

I can cry and shake and shiver.
I can stop my breath and not control it.
I can lose my bearings and my state of mind.
For some seconds... maybe minutes 
that feel like hours. 

I can shut my eyes so hard that
little blood vessels burst
and I look like Eren Jaeger after leaving
his titan body.

My anxiety can kind of feel like living inside a titan body
If I think about it enough.

I can do it.
I don't need help.
I don't ask for it.

I don't ask to be held.
To be reasured.
To be taken out of the circumstance.
I don't ask for anyone
to come and save me from 
this hell of a mind I inhabit.

I can do it.
I don't need help.
I don't ask for it.

I can do it, I swear.
I just need some room to breathe.
To hold myself.
To reasure myself.
Take myself out of the circumstance.

I need to be able.
I need to not ask for help.
I won't ask for it.

What if I really need it,
and they let me down.