4

I'm glad we never dated and we never shared a glass of scotch sitting in a booth at your favorite bar and that I never got to ruin your life, though someone else clearly did.
I'm glad I didn't spoil your lips with kisses and ran my fingers through your hair while you slept and I'm glad I never let you hold my body against yours for more than five seconds and at least three layers of clothing between us.

I'm glad you and I never were lovers and I'm glad you've gone far away from my arms' reach so I can never make you mine. I don't wonder too much about it but I'm pretty sure we would both lose our restraints and give in to those feelings if we ever got the chance. And I'm glad we hadn't been given the chance.

I'm glad we never lived together because I would've fallen for your mind and your hurt soul while you got wasted in the middle of the day, filled my bedsheets with cigarette smoke and you would've slammed your fists on the table when I got anxious and cried over my life turning to the shits in ways I just could not control. You would have been mad and sad and hurt when I went dark and lost and had a million and one thousand thoughts, losing myself into the vast pit that my mind turns into every now and then.

There would've been lust and hate and fear and anger, you'd yell at me for being as naive and gullible as sometimes I can be and I would've cried at your staying when I could tell I only hurt you more than you hurt yourself.

We did well by drifting away and not falling in love. We do well by not drinking alone with each other anymore and not falling asleep drunk in each other's arms. We do just the right thing by keeping our distance, our feelings and our bodies separated by miles and miles, schedules and at least three layers of clothing between us.