6

I sometimes think about dying.

But when I think of dying I don't think of you.

Maybe I should and maybe it's rude that I don't because after all, you are dead, and so do I wish I was  somedays. Those somedays aren't as usual anymore. I think you did right by dying and not seeing me the way I get sometimes. 

The last time I contemplated dying was when I resolved that maybe, after all, I'm never going to set the thoughts aside. Maybe I'm going to live a long life —like the one you should have gotten— and keep my thoughts to myself. Maybe it's always going to hang around my head and every time despair knocks on my door I'm going to think “wow maybe I should die” but not like I used to, just like this last chance. At least I have this choice. I guess that no matter what happens, I have death to look forward to.

I guess you probably wouldn't like to know this, but then again, you're already dead.