Day 21: waiting for the water to boil

It’s 2:06 a.m.
Waiting for the water to boil to make some tea.
People say tea is good, they advise for drinking tea. Not coffee, which I love, but tea, which I stand. Except green tea.
People say tea is relaxing, people say to drink it for anxiety.
I’m waiting for the water to boil to see it this stops my jaw from hurting from anxiety. I’v Been anxious for a couple of days. On the line to buy groceries, during my 7th grade class, while falling asleep, and now while watching One Day at a Time after an easy day at the restaurant. I’m nervous that this will be harder in a couple of months when I go back to school. I don’t know how I will manage or if I ever will. I eat my greens and I take B12, work out, drink moderately and have my share of laughter but my chest still tightens, my arms tingle and my jaw hurts. Today is only the jaw, yesterday it was feeling like murder just the moment I fall asleep. I want to go back to therapy but I’m scared of bad therapists. I want to talk it out but nobody really gets it like me. I don’t want to be a burden to my teams. I really don’t want to take medication but I’m afraid the day can come when I will have to.
My cousin had a breakdown last year and she was taken to a mental institution for a couple months, my mom went in and out of rehab for most of my life. I don’t want that for myself.