21.

I got really good
at looking at my feelings.
Pain, joy, sorrow, tiredness,
I pay attention carefully, 
dissecting them one by one
what causes the feeling?
how do I rationalize it?
I give it a long explanation,
I take the feeling out of me,
pour it a cup of coffee,
I make it talk,
explain slowly, with its words
how it's happening, why is it,
I try to find logic and sense, 
but naming it clearly
understanding the whys and hows
doesn't stop the feeling from flooding me
from taking down my sand castles
erasing my dust mandalas on the pavement
understanding so well
looking at them
doesn't stop me from feeling
and that I have struggled to understand.