20.

So this year I couldn't finish the BEDIA on time.
As I do. As I have. I mostly got mad at myself, that I couldn't.
I felt negligent, an as if I was letting you girls down for not finishing.
I mostly felt bad for not writing this one. As months -and situations- have happened, the feeling that I didn't write this one just fucking haunts me constantly.
So here it goes.

July, 27th.
On Miriam.

When I needed someone the most, there was you.
There was you with your knowing eyes and your understanding smile and your willingness to give and help and save. You told me a hundred times that that's the thing with me, people feel like they want to "save me". People do this. It's you, baby, it's you who felt like saving me. And you did, you absolutely did.

I have felt a million times that what I do to return this love that you have given me is never enough. I feel like you deserve a million things more. If I could build you a house, on top of a hill, where you can watch the rain and play guitar and have the perfect cold Toluca weather and Guamuchil sunsets and summer rainshowers I would. If I could make it rain for you I would. If I could apparate I would do it all the fucking time, because I never get tired of being with you.

How can I thank you for holding me as I had to fight the urge to just die already and how you helped me see that it was getting better. Someday it was. It did.

We have memories we don't mention. We have secrets we share quietly. I want you to know that I know. I love you so much.

So when you read this, I'm so fucking sorry for writing it sooner.
I know I should have.
I didn't write about the vegetables either. It was not that I didn't want to, it was just that I got stuck halfway.

I love you with my life, you life-saving, book-sharing, nirvana-playing, christmas carol-singer, potato casserole-baking, whiskey-pouring, secret-keeping, story-telling, hand-holding, life-changing, you.
You're my best friend. You're amazing and you light up my life. I love spending time with you, despite you never wanting me to pay for shit, you proud fucker. Let me pay for thiiiiiings. Ugh.

So when you get better, you're sucking it up and I'm going to splurge, we're airbnbing or something somewhere, just the four of us and having a good ol jolly time somewhere new.

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.
Tu hippie.